


What have I done.... I'm in love this time

by the_milky_way



Series: Finding Love [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Cuddling, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Morning After, Morning Cuddles, Sleepy Kisses, Soft Boys, Sort Of, tired!Buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24113605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milky_way/pseuds/the_milky_way
Summary: Buck and Eddie during the morning after.. sort of.Buck smiles at the way Eddie tenses underneath him, muscles twitching, breath hitching a little before he relaxes into Buck’s touch. The hand in his hair switches between gently combing through his curls and lightly scratching at his skin. It makes him shiver from time to time but he loves it nonetheless.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Finding Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698586
Comments: 24
Kudos: 469





	What have I done.... I'm in love this time

**Author's Note:**

> This directly follows ["Something Stupid ... Like Love"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23598280).  
> So it might be a good idea to read that first to get some of the references.  
> Not every piece in this series will be a follow-up or a prequel, so there will be standalone stories as well. This though isn't one of them.
> 
> The title comes from Dermot Kennedy's "What have I done".
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta A. All remaining mistakes are of course mine. Sorry.

Buck wakes up to fingers softly combing through his hair and his face squished against a warm body. He vaguely remembers falling asleep being held and his face pressed close to a strong shoulder. With his brain slowly waking up it takes him a little to realize that this is not the case any longer. He is now nuzzling ribs instead of the soft skin between neck and shoulder. 

He blinks the one eye that he can actually open but doesn’t move otherwise. The room is tinted in the soft glow of morning, the sun not yet risen enough to cast shadows. Sleep drunk and absolutely comfortable he smiles against the soft fabric beneath his cheek, savors the feeling of it against his skin. Faint traces of laundry detergent, body wash, and something that is purely Eddie wake him up a little more.

Eddie. He’s still in bed with Eddie. 

The freakout he’s sort of expecting doesn’t happen. And it throws Buck a little. But not so much that he can’t appreciate the absence of it. Who knows what his brain might come up with later. He decides to enjoy the peace and quiet as long as it lasts. He also thinks he could get used to this. To waking up slow, rested and cuddled up with Eddie. This is new and unexpected but he has dreamed about it for a while so he takes what he has and runs with it. Or you know, just lies there and secretly loves how soft Eddie is right now.

One of Buck’s arms is curled beneath him, the other flung across a taut stomach leaving his fingers dangerously close to the waistband of grey sweats. Buck doesn’t really think about it, still closer to sleep than to being awake and just curls his fingers slightly. The process moves the shirt out of the way so that he can touch skin. He’s not sure why but he needs to connect, needs to feel something real just now. The tips of his fingers skim the small space between shirt and sweatpants, glide over the hipbone and warm skin just there. 

Buck smiles at the way Eddie tenses underneath him, muscles twitching, breath hitching a little before he relaxes into Buck’s touch. The hand in his hair switches between gently combing through his curls and lightly scratching at his skin. It makes him shiver from time to time but he loves it nonetheless. The repetitive motion of Eddie’s fingers and the slow exploring strokes his own do almost sends him back to sleep. He buries his face closer against Eddie’s body again and just enjoys being there, being able to do that.

Buck doesn’t know how long they stay like this - close, touching, being together but not talking. When he blinks his eyes open again, the light in the room has shifted, has become brighter. Reality is setting in, too soon, too fast.

Buck really doesn’t want to get up. He wishes he was allowed to sleep in. And then he remembers that he actually can. Their shift only starts in the afternoon, so they can actually be lazy. He sighs, eyes drifting close and shivers a little again when Eddie’s fingers scratch behind his ear and then actually tries to chase sleep again. Only, Eddie seems to have other plans.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep again just yet,” Eddie sighs into the quietness of the room but doesn’t take his hand out of Buck’s hair. Buck doesn’t think it’s fair. How is he supposed to stay awake when Eddie’s fingers are calling him back into sweet oblivion? Buck also thinks he needs to work on his inner ramblings and come up with better imagery. He’s not really awake, okay? So no one should expect some linear thought processes - not even Buck himself.

“But I wanna stay like this,” Buck snuffles out against Eddie’s ribs, doesn’t even care that he sounds a little whiny. He has wanted a quiet, peaceful morning for ages. The fact that Eddie is there with him makes it so much more treasurable. Eddie’s fingers are at his neck again, moving just along the column between his skull and his shoulder, stroking, scratching, grounding him.

“You can. I have to get Chris ready and to school, though,” Eddie answers with a soft laugh.

“M’urgh…” Buck hates school. Can’t they just skip it for today? Eddie laughs again, this time a little less soft and a lot more exasperated. So Buck’s brain-to-mouth is still offline then. He shrugs a little but moves so that Eddie can get out of bed. The second he is Bucks rolls back into the still warm space, brings Eddie’s pillow close to his face and doesn’t care at all how pathetic he must look. He’s still so goddamn tired.

Calloused fingers on his skin have him blinking sleepily. Eddie is crouching next to the bed, soft smile playing on his lips and eyes full of wonder - like he, too, can't believe that they actually managed to get there. That they can have this.

“Sleep. I’ll wake you when I am back,” the smile on Eddie’s lips doesn’t change and Buck just has to smile back even though half his face is still smouched into Eddie’s pillow. 

“‘Kay. Chris?”

Without having to explain what he means Eddie gets it.

“I’ll tell him you need more sleep. Which is true. And that he gets his time with you once we are off-shift. Tomorrow then, if that’s alright with you.” Eddie’s voice remains soft in the glow of the morning, still matching the almost tranquil mood they have yet to break out of. 

Buck wishes for it to remain forever. When he nods Eddie’s fingers slide along his jaw and Buck feels himself move into the touch even more. Eddie’s hands on him has always been something he craved more than he should. Buck’s eyes drop close against his will, which kind of makes him a little sad. He really wants to look into brown warm ones a little longer but sleep’s call is getting stronger by the second. He’s so comfortable, snuggled up in Eddie’s bed, surrounded by Eddie’s warmth and sheets that smell like home that he can’t resist any longer.

“Good. I’ll be back soon,” Eddie whispers. For a short second Buck wonders why Eddie sounds closer than before and then warm lips meet his in a soft kiss. Buck smiles and the last thing he is consciously aware of is the bedroom door closing.

+++

The next time he wakes up he actually stays awake. He rolls onto his back, groans when vertebrae pop and sighs when he can stretch out fully. Eddie’s bed isn’t as wide as his in the loft but it’s a good size and Buck basks in the luxury of being able to stretch without sliding off the mattress. He jawns, smacks his lips and glances at the clock on Eddie’s bedside table. He still has time. Buck feels refreshed in a way he hasn’t in a while. 

He lets his eyes wander, takes time to register the details he usually just goes over quickly when he hashes a glimpse of Eddie’s bedroom. He has been in here before but not like this, not in a way where he would have been able to really look. The room is sparse but still feels lived in. There is a variation of pillows on the bed because Eddie needs more than one, needs to sleep a little elevated. The duvet is at the end of the bed, hanging off like it’s about to slide to the floor. It’s more colorful than Buck expected and it makes him smile. There are pictures on the dresser across from the bed but Buck can’t really see what’s in them. Eddie’s dog-tags are hanging from the mirror over the dresser - so are several leather wristbands Buck has never seen on Eddie but guesses they mean something to him. 

Little colorful post-it notes decorate one side of the mirror, little reminders of the day to day tasks Eddie needs to keep his eye on. Buck knows what they say, has put them there himself with a little help from Carla. It’s not to show Eddie how to manage his life but to help him keep an overview. Eddie has never complained about it, smiled even when Buck showed up with the notes and markers in different colors. Seeing as they are still there and even have met some additions, Buck thinks they actually do help Eddie.

The blinds aren’t drawn but the shutters are set so that light comes in but no one can look into the room. One of the two windows is pulled open a little. A light draft moves across Buck’s skin where it’s exposed to the room and not hidden beneath Eddie’s soft blanket. The noise of a starting day in the city makes it into the room as well, wakes Buck up even more. 

Eddie is back. Buck can hear him moving around but he has yet to come in and wake Buck again. He debates whether to stay in bed and wait or get up and join Eddie in the world of the living. Joining Eddie also means facing reality. Buck isn’t willing to let his thoughts take over yet, and he knows they will if he stays put, left to get lost in his head. The decision to swing his legs over the edge of the bed and shuffle out of the room isn’t a hard one to make.

Eddie is leaning against the kitchen counter when Buck finds him. Cup in one hand and his cell in the other. Buck doesn't really know how to describe the feeling that settles within him at the sight of Eddie being this calm and relaxed. His heart thuds once, twice and then settles into the familiar rhythm of excitement that it chooses every time Eddie is close these days. He seems entranced in whatever is on the screen but when Buck makes his way into the room, bare feet slapping against the floor he looks up. Smiles. Captures Buck's heart all over again.

“Hey. Was about to get you. Coffee is here and I got us some bagels for late breakfast. Bobby is cooking and said he’d save us some for when we get in,” Eddie says, soft smile joined by a sparkle in his eyes. And with another thud of his heart Buck realizes that this soft and settled version of Eddie is Eddie being happy, is Eddie feeling safe enough to show him, to let him know. Buck wants to keep this forever.

He doesn’t say anything, just moves until he is pressed against Eddie’s relaxed body, wraps his arms around the other man and buries his face into the juncture between neck and shoulder. It’s where he wants to be, where he needs to be right now. He hears Eddie placing the cup on the counter behind them and a second later he is enveloped in a gentle hug. Eddie holding him like this is the most natural thing ever. And maybe it always has been between them.

“You good?” Eddie breathes into his hair, where he has his lips pressed against Buck’s temple. 

“I’m awesome. Just felt like doing this. Too clingy?” Buck just has to ask. His own insecurities don’t just vanish because Eddie had a revelation the day before. They have so much to talk about but right now things actually feel good so Buck tries to keep it all in and wait for the right moment.

“No. Not at all. I… I like you being like this.”

Buck sighs, relaxes further into Eddie’s hold, breathes in and smiles when that makes Eddie shiver. He’s still sort of astounded that he’s allowed to be this close to Eddie now. His rumbling stomach though thinks it’s a good time to join the conversation. Eddie snorts, pats him on the back and moves around Buck when he detangles himself from the hold. Buck mourns the loss of warmth only for a second before he has his own cup of too sweet coffee in his hands and a bagel caught between his teeth. Eddie only rolls his eyes slightly at the sight. He is after all used to Buck.

When bagel and coffee are gone Buck grabs his bag, which Eddie had dropped in the hallway last night and makes use of Eddie’s shower. He again refuses to let his thoughts wander while he’s still in this comfortable mindset. Refuses to get ahead of himself when he and Eddie haven’t even had the chance to actually talk. So he gets ready and plops himself down next to Eddie on the couch once he’s done.

“You awake now?” Eddie asks with a small smirk and eyes glued to the screen of his phone yet again. Buck huffs a little, jostles Eddie with his elbow and lets himself sink further into the couch, into Eddie. A glance at his own phone shows that they have at least an hour left before they need to think about leaving the house. Time to talk as it seems.

“As awake as one can be after that kind of shift. Yes, Eddie. I am fully aware of where I am and what’s happening,” he can’t help but be the little shit that he is. Eddie knows how to take it and laughs.

“Good. Don’t want you to fall asleep on me just now.”

“But you make such a good pillow.”

“Glad to know, I am useful,” Eddie smiles, reaches out and pulls Buck closers. His arm stays wrapped around Buck, hand tracing skin where it can reach Buck’s biceps. This feels nice, it also has the potential to lull Buck back into sleep. It makes him laugh a little which has Eddie snorting because again, Eddie gets it.

“So… we are doing this?” Buck says after a while when neither of them does anything other than just basking in the closeness and feeling of each other.

“Looks like it. I want to. If that’s what... If you are worried about it. I think we have been heading towards this for a while now. I wasn’t lying yesterday. My mind... It immediately went there…” Eddie says, sounding confident but also tentative, trying to predict how Buck might react.

“Something stupid like love?”

“Yeah. Only, it’s not stupid is it? It’s real.”

“I hope so,” Buck answers, moving so that he can lay his head on the back of the couch, effectively trapping Eddie’s arm underneath him. He lets his hand rest against Eddie’s chest, feels the heartbeat under his fingertips. “I know so.”

Because he does. He knows that he wants this. Has been for a while. Buck wants to be with Eddie, wants to take this thing between them, run with it, and never let go again. It’s so simple at this moment even though it entails a lot of change. But he knows he can’t let go of this chance, can’t let it slip through his fingers because this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Well, Buck has always been more of a man that jumps in headfirst and deals with the consequences later. This though, he has been thinking so much about it. About the what-ifs and about what he might do should the chance present itself, that he knows what he’s getting into. 

This is real. He’s so irrevocably and stupidly in love with Eddie Diaz that he doesn’t even think about any other outcome of this. Not for himself at least. When he dares to lift his eyes from where they have been fixed on his fingers on Eddie’s shirt he is met with another one of those soft smiles he’s never seen before and loves that they are directed at him.

“Then yeah, I guess we are doing this. One step at a time though. Getting used to this might take a while. And honestly, I don’t wanna share you… this... just yet.”

Buck’s heart thuds again because yes, he wants to keep Eddie to himself for a while, too. They need to properly talk about things soon. But for now, they are on the same page and that’s all that matters. So he simply moves up a little and steals his first kiss that isn’t clouded by exhaustion or sleepiness.

It starts softly as all their kisses have so far. Then Eddie bends his arm, settles a hand against the nape of Buck’s neck, and just pulls. The kiss deepens into something more, into something reaffirming, strong and confident. It’s the hottest thing Buck has experienced in quite some time.

There is movement, then the rearranging of limbs, and suddenly Buck finds himself in Eddie’s lap. Eddie’s grinning against his lips in triumph, having successfully manhandled Buck, and really, this is another thing Buck seems like and which gets him going. Who would have thought? But now is really not the time and they both know it. It doesn’t keep Buck from biting Eddie’s lower lip a little before diving in for another deep and languid kiss. 

If they almost leave the house too late because they make out on the couch like teenagers, hands tangled in hair, lips attached and hips moving in a steady rhythm, no one but them needs to know. Buck will forever deny the giggle that escapes him when they race out the door towards Eddie’s truck all the while praying traffic won’t be too bad.

+++

“You called me Evan last night,” Buck says apropos of nothing when they are halfway to the station. He doesn’t even know why he brings it up.

“You don’t want me to?” Eddie asks into the comfortable silence of the car, doesn’t sound disappointed or hurt, just curious.

“No, I … Just... .” Buck mumbles not sure why that makes him self-conscious. He has never really associated anything with his given name. People use it. Sometimes. 

His parents stopped using it when he grew out of the age where children constantly needed reminders of what to do and what not to do. He never really thought about it until he was a teenager. Only thought it odd when friend’s parents used their kid’s names all the time. His parents referred to him by saying “my son” or “her son” or “his son”. Sometimes he was Maddie’s brother. Other times he was “our son”. When they talked to him directly it was always “you” and when they called him down from his room, it was “son”.

He turns his head from where he had been staring out into the LA traffic and looks at Eddie, thinks of the feeling he had when Eddie called him Evan. Like it fits, like Eddie knows how to really use it, what it means to call him by his name. Without thinking about it he grabs Eddie’s hand from the middle console and tangles their fingers.

“Maybe… just you. Just when it’s us for now?” Buck doesn’t know why he tags on the “for now” but thinking about Eddie calling him Evan at the station, executing a privilege that basically screams about claiming him, makes him shudder a little. In a good way. They aren’t there yet though.

“Alright. When it’s between us. Anyway, the second I call you Evan at the station everyone will know something is up.”

Buck laughs out loud when he imagines Chim’s and Hen’s faces, snorts when he tries to imagine Bobby’s stoic look crack. He spends the rest of the drive trying to hide his happy grin looking out of the window but he sees Eddie with the same grin on his lips out of the corner of his eye.

+++

Eddie is humming under his breath while they change into their uniforms. It’s such a rare occurrence that Buck just stops and listens. Eddie can hold a tune that much is obvious and Buck wants to hear it for real one day. He’s leaning against his locker, shirt in his hand and eyes so fixed on Eddie that he doesn’t register Hen coming in. Her cough startles him out of his stupor, makes Eddie stop humming and turn around. Buck scowls at Hen a little but flushes at her raised eyebrow. He opts for sliding his shirt over his head, effectively hiding from her too knowing look.

“Good morning?” She asks no one in particular but both of them answer with a hum and a shrug. Eddie is directing a smile his way, like he always does when they start later and had a good start into the day. 

Yeah, they couldn’t be any more obvious if you ask Buck. But Hen just takes it as a given, as if this isn’t anything unusual for them and leaves. Buck realizes that this might actually be the case. Because… they aren’t acting any differently than before. Buck is mooning over Eddie, staring and pinning away. And Eddie doing the exact same thing but in different ways - with smiles and looks and hums. Buck can see it, now that he knows what to look for.

“Oh god,” Buck snorts and gently bangs his head against his locker. This is sort of embarrassing. 

“¿Qué pasó?” Eddie asks, a little confused and a little worried. Buck has realized Eddie switches to Spanish when he doesn’t really know how to react. It’s really kind of cute. It also does things to Buck that are not appropriate for work. He flops down on the bench where Eddie was in the middle of tying his boots and is now just sitting there watching Buck.

“How has nobody banged our heads together yet and told us to stop being so oblivious?”

Eddie shifts on the bench, turns so that he can properly look at Buck, laces abandoned and hands folded in his lap. He doesn’t say anything for a while which makes Buck a little nervous.

“Have you been staring at me again?” is what Eddie finally comes up with, smirk in place and eyes sparkling. Buck just gapes.

“Oh fuck off. As if you aren’t just as bad,” and while saying it Buck realizes it’s true. Eddie has been looking at him for quite a while now. Covert glances, looks to make sure he’s okay after a call, stares when Buck was being Buck.

“Never said I wasn’t or aren’t.”

“You don’t sound surprised. Seeing as you only got with the plan yesterday. This seems.. I don’t even know,” Buck shrugs, lost for words and aware that this isn’t the time nor the place to have an in-depth discussion about how and when they realized their feelings for each other.

“I am an entire morning ahead of you, you know…” Eddie answers with a small laugh. And yes, that he is. While sleep was holding him captive… okay, yes he needs to stop with the imagery in his head. So, while he was sleeping… dammit. Eddie had time to think, to reflect, to realize their behavior for what it was. 

“I am not that bad at self-reflection as it might seem sometimes. But Buck… Evan, this is us. We needed…. need to do this our way. Do this in our time. We got there. Are there and there is no need to rush. I can acknowledge that I was an oblivious idiot, though, ” Eddie grabs one of Buck’s hands, entangles their fingers briefly, squeezes, and then lets go again. He finishes tying his boots while Buck tries not to follow the urge to kiss him senseless. 

How is he going to survive an entire shift without kissing Eddie? How?

“Come on, let’s move before Bobby sends a search party and writes us up for being late.”

They are on the stairs to the loft when Buck remembers that he left his cell in the car. He turns to ask Eddie for the keys to go and get it when he somehow misses a step. He instantly knows what’s about to happen, sees it reflected in Eddie’s wide eyes as well. This is seriously turning into one of those running jokes that develop a life of their own. This one’s between him and Eddie. Because of course, he ends up crashing face-first into Eddie, who catches him... again.

“Dios mío! Really, Buck. Again?” Eddie sounds exasperated like he always does when Buck is being Buck. But he also sounds the amused kind of fond which makes Buck’s heart beat a little faster. 

Eddie’s arms are wrapped tightly around Buck’s middle while his own have found their way to Eddie’s hips again. Buck is already huffing out a laugh against Eddie’s neck where of course his face found its favorite place.

Eddie manages to place him back onto his feet but doesn’t really let go just yet. It’s Hen again who pulls them out of their little bubble.

“If you are done with the cuddle session, I think Bobby wants to get you up to date. There’s also food waiting.” 

Buck detangles himself from Eddie’s arms, only mourns the loss of them for a second and shrugs when Eddie raises an eyebrow in question.

“Forgot my phone in your car. Gonna go and get it later.”

Eddie shakes his head but doesn’t say anything. Buck though knows that Eddie will probably just go himself when he has a second. The soft smile he can’t help has Eddie laughing softly. Silent communication is their thing, it has been for a while now. Yeah okay, oblivious morons the both of them. Buck gets it now.

There’s a warm hand at the small of his back when Buck turns to join their teammates. It guides him to their usual spot at the table where Bobby and Hen are already waiting. It’s lasagne day as it seems. Buck’s all ready for the flavor explosion he knows will greet him with the first bite. He’s hungry. A bagel and coffee isn't enough to start the day on even though both were really good.

“What did you mean ‘again’ Eddie?” Hen asks with a smirk on her lips that Buck doesn’t really like. It looks way too knowing and there is no way he’s ready to deal with this on top of everything.

“Oh Buck just didn’t have his limbs under control yesterday. Put on quite a show at Chris’ school. Mowing me down in the process seemed to be his intended goal though,” Eddie doesn’t mention that it happened a second time at his place on their way to bed. The smirk Eddie displays says he is thinking about it though.

Buck wants to kiss it off of him so badly, which would entirely defeat the purpose of not mentioning his second trip into Eddie’s arms. Instead he just bumps his knee into Eddie’s where they are pressed together underneath the table.

“Maaaaan... ,” Buck whines, “I was so tired… exhausted. So sue me.” 

He doesn’t even register his words until he hears Chim chime up from the counter where he’s apparently helping Bobby.

“Isn’t that your…” But Chim doesn’t get far before Eddie intervenes.

“Safe it, Chim.”

Eddie isn’t even looking up from where he prepares a plate of salad for Buck, his own already in front of him. Says it as if it’s a natural reflex to defend Buck. Buck just blinks, accepts the plate when it’s handed to him and looks at where Chim has his hands raised in a calming gesture.

Bobby serving food and handing out plates effectively puts an end to any kind of questions Eddie’s words might have raised. And if Buck is entirely too happy about it, no one needs to know. Eddie’s knee pressed against him grounds him so that he isn’t even upset about where Chim was probably going with this. 

+++

When the alarm sounds and Bobby says something about a missing kid on a farm Buck can’t suppress a shudder. 

When he settles in the truck next to Eddie he can’t suppress the feeling of dread rising within him. As if the day has been too good to be true so far, Buck thinks fate might have something stored up for him. 

Buck really has a bad feeling about this. He hopes he is wrong.


End file.
